Saturday, July 17, 2010

On my way

So I havent posted on this blog since my junior year of highschool..hmmmm. It is very safe to say that it has been quite some time. I have now graduated from highschool, and I am preparing for college. I received a scholarship for vocal performance at Chandler Gilbert Community college, and I am very thrilled that I am going to be involved in so much music this upcoming year.

I have been on quite a journey since my junior year, that much is certain. Times of trial, times of fear, times of aching. But also times of joy, times of laughter, times of gladness, and times of love. Much has happened to me since I have last written. I cannot possibly recall every event that has commenced since then, but I will tell you this..

I have had a change of heart. I am no longer who I used to be. Starting my senior year, I was scared and worried little girl. My best friends were gone for college, and I was left feeling like I could never ever make any other friends who would understand like they did. I was so sure that nothing else in my life felt real any more. I slowly shut down. I brought myself to a place where I was more miserable than I have been in my entire life. The world was dark, the world was dim, and I couldnt find a reason to keep going on. Until one night when I snapped.

That night I dropped heavily to my knees, and began to pray. I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my entire life. I sobbed for hours praying that Heavenly Father would forgive me for being stubborn and hard hearted, and that He would grace my life with joy that I had been missing for so long. After a very long while, my sobs slowly came to a stop. And there was peace. I felt as if someone were in the room with me, and as if there were someone there who was lifting me off of the floor. I know in my heart that my Savior was watching over me that night. That my Elder Brother, Jesus the Christ, knew my pain and my grief. But He was there with me, holding me close and telling me to be scared and lonely no more.

From that moment on there became a change in my life. I began to feel like something amazing was coming around the corner. And I was right. Through my faith, and the goodness of my Heavenly Father, He gave me the confidence and will power to step out and to open my heart to let others in. Needless to say, from that point on, everything worked itself out the way that it was intended. My Heavenly Father has sent me friendships in the past year that I cant even fathom living without now.

The friendships I've received in the past year have taught me even more clearly that charity is the center of all happiness. That it is only through thinking of others, and loving with all your heart, that you can be truly happy. Life is very fragile, so take every opportunity you can to get to know others and find the beauty that they have to offer. And sometimes if you're lucky, you will find a new true friend who you cant believe you lived without your whole life. I know I have experienced it first hand, and I am so grateful for that.

Now here I am, looking towards the future. Here I am, a poor soon to be college student and I dont have much more than a penny to my name! A student with an unknown future. I must say that every day I find myself thinking more about worthwhile things, verses the futile thoughts I had in highschool. I know for a fact that all through highschool that it was all about the hotties. The attractive boys. THe ones who may run 2ft deep on the inside, but are super cute. I find myself falling into a new way of thinking... and I hope it eventually leads me to a new way of life. I find myself thinking about the kind of man I want to marry someday. How much I want him to be a straight arrow in the gospel, and someone who honors their priesthood, and loves their family with all their heart, and never ceases to teach them that they are children of God, and they are so precious in His eyes.

I know that if I hope to marry someone of that calliber, that it is my time to become like them. To be the wonderful things that I want to see in my husband. I will not live in hypocrisy. I want to be the kind of person, that I want to marry someday. These days.. nothing else really matters but rededicating myself to the gospel, service, and striving to love others with all my heart. Everything else feels like its slowly melting away. Although I have many faults..too many to mention, I know that nevertheless I am on my way. That I am now heading towards a future that can be as bright as I make it out to be. As long as I work hard, have faith, and trust in my Heavenly Father's loving care. It is in that loving care that I have trusted in the past year and a half. And it is that loving care which I will continue to trust.For my Savior is the light that shines through, every day of my life. Here are some of the moments which I have seen the goodness of His loving heart.